I get to say your name!!! We have had your name picked out since before we even knew you were a boy, and now finally, I get to say it! :)
Well sweet Isaac, today is your due date, but here you lie next to me, 10 days old! I think I have somewhat subconsciously put off writing about your arrival because I don't know how to put it in to words. The emotions and love that we felt that day. (and every day since).
I do want to start with how you arrived.
We checked in to the hospital on Sunday night, July 31st. So much joy and anticipation. We knew this was it!
Daddy brought in all of our bags and belongings from the car, sort of got situated in our room, I got in my gown and laid on the bed waiting for the nurse to come set up my IV, take my blood for testing, etc. As I was lying there, Daddy commented on how hot the room was. It was kind of still in there. Now granted, you are born in the HOTTEST summer on record! So the poor air conditioning unit is having to work extra hard. So before the nurse got my IV set up, we asked if we could try another room and the room next door was somewhat cooler, so we up and moved over! Once we got set up in there, the nurse set up my IV, and got everything ready, then put in the Cervadil medicine to help get my body moving and get you out here. After a couple hours on having that in, I could start to feel the contractions! (This never happened when we were in the hospital days earlier). Your dad and I were trying to sleep, but I remember with each breath I exhaled, it was a moan of pain. So finally, we asked the nurse for some medicine. She gave me some pain meds through my IV. She said that I would feel it in my head. At first I thought, I wonder what that means. Then after a couple minutes, it was as if I was so woozy, I had no control over my body! Pretty much the feeling of being drunk (which I would know nothing about). It did help me go to sleep for a couple hours! But then I woke up again, still in pain. I was a little spacey because of the previous pain meds, but I remember being in pain and she asked if I was ready for my epidural, and there was no reason to not go ahead and get it, so I did! By this point, I think I was dilated to a 3 - 4. I remember that the anesthesiologist came in and they had your Dad get up and sit across the room from me, facing me, so he could not see what was going on on my back. The nurse was facing me, and they put a table in front of me to have me lean on it and hunch over as far as I could. It stung a bit, and I held on to the nurse's arm and hand, but soon enough they were done, and I was feeling good! I really don't remember much after that because it knocked me out! The next thing I remember is it is Monday morning and they had already (during my sleep) taken out the Cervadil. (It just stays in 12 hours, but I think they took it out in less than that because it had done its job, helping me progress.) I was dilated to a 4 by the morning, so it was Pitocin time! Now, you did not like Pitocin. When I was on that medicine to help me contract, when I would have a contraction, your heart rate would dip down and lower. This meant that you did not like it and it was potentially stressing you. So because of that, they stopped Pitocin to see what would happen on my own. (Being on Pitocin helped me get dilated to a 5). The doctor came in later that morning and checked me and I had not progressed much, so he broke my water. That was not painful at all, (well, and I had the epidural!), and I just remember he and the nurse commenting that you were in a lot of water! And that the water kept coming! So the rest of the morning, and early afternoon your dad and I just hung out, hoping that my body was progressing on its own since we had stopped the Pitocin, and were just relying on my water being broke to get things moving.
Then around 2:30 in the afternoon, the doctor came and checked me and I was still at a 5, so he said he did not think I was going to progress much on my own and that more than likely, it should be c-section time. He also said that we could wait a little longer and see what happens on my own. I asked if we could try Pitocin one more time. He said that since your heart rate had stopped dipping, he would allow me to get back on Pitocin, but at a very small dosage, to see how you respond. He said that he did not think this would work, and that he would only let me be on it for about 30 minutes, to see how you are reacting to it, and then if your heart was dipping, then it was C-section time. So when he left the room, your Dad and I both felt like it was all happening now. It felt like basically the doctor said he doesn't think Pitocin will work, and that we were going to be prepping for a C-section in an hour or so, (very soon!) So we called your grandparents and told them it was time to get to the hospital! I also called our birth photographer so she could get up there and get ready.
So the nurse started me on a low dosage of Pitocin. After a while, based on monitoring my contractions and your heart rate, it seemed to be working. Your heart was not dipping, and it was making me have contractions! So she upped the dosage a little bit. And you still were responding well, so she upped it some more! So as the afternoon went on, your grandparents arrived, and the photographer arrived, and we just hung out. We kept thinking the doctor would be coming in soon to check on us, but the nurse said she had been in contact with him, and since you were responding well to the Pitocin, we were just going to keep going that route. But we didn't know if my body was actually doing what it was supposed to be doing and dilating because the nurse said that the doctor would be the one to check me when he got there. So we were just waiting, hoping, but not really knowing if I was progressing. Based on the fact that I was contracting, we really thought that I would be dilating. So since we were just waiting on the doctor, and it seemed like they were just letting the Pitocin work, and we were just hanging out, we sent home the birth photographer around 6:30 since there was no action! (We called her and your grandparents up earlier that afternoon because it really sounded like we would know in an hour or so whether or not the c-section was happening then, it seemed imminent!)
Finally around 8:30, the doctor came and checked to see how I had dilated. By this point, I had been on Pitocin for about 6 hours, and I should have been very far along progressed, but when he checked, I was still at a 5!!!! No progression! So he said, it's c-section time. My body just was not going to contract and dilate and get you here naturally. When the doctor checked me, grandparents had left the room, and it was just us. After he left, after telling us I was about to have a c-section, I lost it. I was sad because I always just had visions of having you naturally, then having you immediately put on my chest, naked, skin-to-skin, then shortly after trying to breast feed you right away, and I wanted you bathed your first bath in my room with me to watch. I wanted those first moments with you, right after you were born. I knew with a c-section, you'd be whisked off to the nursery while I was being stitched up and in the recovery room alone, without you and Daddy. So it was all upsetting to me. Of course I knew that we had really tried our best to have you naturally. We had essentially been in the hospital 4 days trying to get you to come, (Thursday, Friday, Sunday, and Monday), and my doctor had given us several tries before ordering the c-section, so I knew we had tried all we could. It was still just upsetting that I was going to miss witnessing those first moments with you.
We called Karen, the birth photographer, so she could come back up while we waited for our soon-to-be C-section! (There was another woman there who also was going to have a c-section, and at first, the doctor said that I would go first, so that's why again, it seemed like it was go-time, and you were about to be here soon! But then after a bit, the nurse came in and said that they decided the other woman would have her c-section first and I would go 2nd. So again, we had a little time to wait.)
Karen arrived and came in and your grandparents were there, and we said a prayer over you and Mommy as we were preparing to go have surgery! We all were hanging out a bit, just talking, but then it was nearing time for our surgery, and I could tell that your Daddy wanted some alone time, so we asked everyone to leave, and it was just your Daddy and me, (and you!) in the room. The nurse brought in your Daddy's scrubs and gave him some details on his role. Then he and I just sat together and it was very surreal! We knew you were about to be in our arms. I was still upset about the fact of having a c-section, but Daddy was so calm and reassuring and said that all that matters is that very soon we were about to have our sweet baby boy in our arms. It was scary, thrilling, emotional, and overwhelming all at the same time.
Eventually the nurse came in and said it was time! They wheeled me out, I gave Daddy a kiss, and they took me in to the operating room. They had increased my epidural to make sure I was good and numb since I was about to have you taken out of me, and I guess it was the increase in medicine, but my body starting uncontrollably shaking! I really remember shivering and shaking beyond control. In the operating room, they had me cross my arms on my chest, then they all hoisted me on to the operating table. Then they put each of my arms on a tiny little table on either side of me, (just to hold my arms out, but they did not strap them down), then started prepping my body. I started to feel nauseous, and the anesthesiologist gave me some medicine in my IV for that and it quickly went away. I did not look around the room much. I had my eyes closed a lot, but I do remember looking up at the big lights that hung over me. On the radio, they were playing R & B music. I remember the nurse singing to it. I don't know why I kept my eyes closed while they were prepping me. I was nervous and wanted your Dad next to me, (they did not bring him in until the last minute), and just did not like being in the operating room. I was excited to meet you, but just kind of scared being in there. Then it felt like they were starting the operation and your dad was not in there yet, so I asked about him to the doctor, and then it seemed like soon after that, they had him come in. He sat down right next to me and held my hand. I felt the doctor tugging on my stomach. It just felt like pressure, and tugging! It seemed like it took 3-5 minutes of that, maybe a little less, and I remember hearing a suction sound, and then they said "here he comes!" and we heard the most beautiful sound in the world. Your cry.
Instantly, your dad and I started crying.
To hear that you had a voice, a cry. You were a real person. For 9 months we knew you as our baby in my womb, the one who likes to kick and roll around, and jab. We saw and heard your heart beat at sonograms, but you were still an imaginary person who we had not met yet. It's so hard to put in to words. To hear your cry, you were REAL. We both said "awwww"! And the tears were flowing. And you did not stop crying either! The doctor later said that when we first heard your cry, your body was still in my body, only your head was out, and you were already screaming! You had a very loud cry! Everyone commented on how loud your screaming was! :)
The anesthesiologist told Daddy if he wanted to see you being born, he needed to stand up NOW! He said it to him a couple times. Daddy was reluctant to stand because of course, he did not want to see the inside of Mommy's stomach, which I cannot blame him! But then as you were out, he did stand and snapped a couple pictures!
Isn't that INCREDIBLE! Here you were! One minute in my stomach, the next, you were out and officially a part of our world. The doctor held you up over the curtain and we looked up and saw you for the first time. So so surreal. There you were! Our baby boy. It was like "so it was YOU inside me all this time!"
So wonderful to finally meet you.
They took you over to the warmer to be cleaned up. Daddy stood up to go with you. He looked back at me, to make sure I was okay, and our hands parted as he followed you over.
While you were being cleaned up, I of course was on the table being worked on and I could not stop crying tears of joy. I was lying on my back and the tears were flowing down the side of my face, and so the kind anesthesiologist kept using a blanket to wipe the tears from the sides of my face every so often. I thought that was so sweet of him.
You were over there for several minutes, maybe less than 10 or so, then once you were all cleaned up, and warm, and wrapped up, they brought you over to me!
I just LOVE this picture above. I love how you are looking at the camera. I love how it's our first family picture. I love that you can see and feel the emotion of the moment. So beautiful!
We got to stay like this for about 5 mins. The 3 of us. I remember nuzzling my cheek next to yours. Staring at you, and kissing you. We talked to you and just marveled at the fact that there you were! Our baby! You were just beautiful. That's what we have said nearly everyday, all day, is just how "beautiful" you are.
It was soon time for you to go to the nursery with Daddy to get your good scrubbing down and testing, etc.
The doctor finished fixing me up, then they moved me back to the rolling bed to be wheeled out to the recovery room. At this moving, I remember them talking about an earring, and asking around if someone lost an earring. Then I remembered that earlier in the day, one of my earrings had fallen off. I found the actual earring in my bed, but could not find the back to it. So I said something, that it was probably mine, and they laughed, and the nurse held on to it to give to Daddy. The back of my earring was stuck to my leg the whole time and they saw it while moving me! :)
I was in the recovery room for about 45 mins - 1 hour. The nurse gave me some pain medicine and checked to make sure everything was looking good. They just kept checking my temperature and blood pressure and she (painfully!) pushed on my stomach to make sure my uterus was hard and not hemorrhaging. Then finally came the moment that the nurses wheeled you in, followed by Daddy, for you and I to get some quality time together for the first time!
I remember Daddy saying that in the nursery, while washing your hair, it looked like you had red hair! (And looking at the video, it does look that way!) Though, now, your hair is really a light brown color with blond tones, but at the time, it looked red!
I got to hold you and snuggle you. It was magical!
We were in the recovery room together for maybe 10-15 minutes. The nurse was still checking me, but I was oblivious to all at that point except you. I took your hat off and just studied you. You were (are!) so beautiful! You looked like your Daddy! So so handsome.
When it was time to leave recovery to go to my postpartum room and meet your grandparents, there was debate about whether or not they should wheel you in your bassinet, or have me hold you. One nurse said that they usually don't allow the mother to hold the baby (as my bed is being wheeled down the hall), that the baby usually has to go in the bassinet, but another nurse said it would be be fine. In the end, they let me hold you! I said "I'll hold on tight to him!" I loved that I got to hold you as they wheeled me in to my room, and your Birdie, and Meme, and Grampa Koepp were there waiting for you!
That was so special to get to present you to them!
The first thing we did was have Daddy hold you, and we had your grandparents gather around you, and Daddy finally announced your name!!! We have kept your name a secret the whole pregnancy, and it was so SO wonderful to finally be able to call you by name in front of people!!!
We had the nurse video tape that moment, and that video is priceless. Such a special moment.
I had so many things embroidered with your name, just waiting to proudly show you off!
Then, Daddy and I had the idea to sing Happy Birthday to you! We were at the store shopping a couple days before your arrival, and we were in the bakery section, and Daddy picked up a "0" candle, and laughed, saying that you would be "0", then we had the idea to actually bring a cupcake to the hospital and sing to you! We asked Birdie to bring the cupcake since we didn't know when you would arrive, so she just brought it with her the night we knew you were coming.
We asked the nurse to video tape us singing to you, and this is the first tape:
We had just sung and finished, and then she hit record! HA!
So we sang again!! :)
Then we took several different posed pictures with the birth photographer. I wanted pictures of us with Birdie, and us with Meme and Grampa, and then just us with you alone, etc. So it was a little photo session! (at 2am!)
Then all of your grandparents gave you kisses and left to go home, (Birdie spent the night at our house, so she could be close to come back to see you the next morning!), and we had you for a little bit all to ourselves. I tried to breastfeed for the first time, and it went as well as can be expected, (but we have gotten so much better!). Daddy and I took some more pictures of you and we could not wait to share you with the world, so we posted them to our Facebook page right then, in the middle of the night! I also sent out a text to all of my friends with your picture and birth stats:
August 1, 2011
10:45 pm
8lb, 4 oz
21 inches long
It was so fun to get to share you and proudly show off your cute self!
Then the nurse came in and said she recommends that we have you spend the night in the nursery so that Daddy and I could get as much sleep as possible, (in 3 hour increments.) They still brought you in every 3 hours that night for us to try to breast feed more. Then in the morning, I woke up around 7 am and you had come in to us around 4am, so I knew it was time to have you feed again, so I called the nursery and asked for you, and once you came in that morning, you didn't go back to the nursery until that night. We were in the hospital, well, we checked in Sunday, then you were born Monday night, then we didn't leave until Thursday evening. But Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights, each night we sent you to the nursery, but we had you back in our room early in the morning (after our middle of the night feeds when the nurse would bring you to me), and every day, once you came in to us in the morning, we kept you with us all day, and you didn't go back until it was time to go to bed.
On the next day, Tuesday, you had your circumcision. We felt so sad for you, we knew you were probably in pain, but we did what the nurses told us to do to help you as much as possible.
We had visitors off and on everyday we were in the hospital. The days seems to pass quickly with seeing friends and family, and people held you and oooh-ed and awwww-ed over you. You had a hearing test which you quickly passed perfectly! We had your footprints put in your baby book, and your baby calendar. The pediatrician came to check on you daily and you were just perfect!
We tried to get down breast feeding. By the time we left on Thursday, I felt pretty good about it. Our biggest problem was that as soon as you got on, you fell asleep! That was partly just because you were a newborn and that's what newborns do! But also partly because I was on paid meds, and that made you sleepy as well (from what you got of the breast milk.)
That week, it was a record breaking heat wave! One day, it was 110 degrees! Of course we were cozy in the hospital room, and kept you wrapped in a blanket so you would not get cold in there, but you were born during the hottest week of the year! And the heat for the whole summer broke state records!
Something special we got to share was skin-to-skin.
I laid you on my bare chest, with you having no clothes on, and it was such an instant bond. If you were ever upset, we would do this, and you would calm down.
Another favorite thing of mine to do, was dress you up!
I had so much fun shopping for you, and preparing for you before you came, it was exciting to finally be able to put you in all of the cute outfits! :)
The hospital days passed quickly.
Part of my healing process was that I was supposed to take walks up and down the halls. So sometimes someone would be with you, (Meme or Birdie), and Daddy and I would go walk the hallways, and sometimes, we would put you in your bassinet, and wheel you around with us up and down the halls! The first day of my walking, we walked at a snails pace and I had to have one hand on the wall, and the other holding Daddy's hand. Then by day 2, I could just hold Daddy's hand and let go of the wall. Then by day 3, I didn't need to hold on to anything!
The c-section was painful those first few days. I needed help sitting up, and just basically moving at all. One day your Dad stepped out for a minute, and I was eating a piece of apple cake that Birdie had made us, and I had you on my chest, and I choked a little and started uncontrollably coughing, and it hurt so bad that I started crying. It hurt to cough, laugh, clear my throat, etc. But within a week or so, I was getting around perfectly on my own, and was starting to heal.
While in the hospital, Daddy slept in the reclining chair in the room next to me and the poor guy was so uncomfy. He went home one day in the afternoon to try and nap. He also took home a load of things on the day we went home, he went home first that morning to lighten our load of what needed to go home with you and me. He also had to check on Macy and Pearl. We had a friend feeding them, but he still wanted to just let them out and make sure they were good.
Also while in the hospital, we never changed your diaper! I think it was the last day that we finally did. It wasn't that we were avoiding it, but just the nurses kept doing it! Meme and Grampa did it once as well! That was traumatic for me. You just don't like being cold, and having your diaper changed, or changing your clothes. So while they were changing your diaper, you screamed so loud and so hard, we could not console you when they were done. It made me cry to see you so upset. (now granted, I cried a lot that first week! Hormones....!)
The last day there, we had fun getting you in your baseball going home outfit that Daddy and I had bought back in March when we registered for baby things for you!
In the picture above, you are giving Daddy a hug!! :)
Your doctor checked you out on Thursday and said that you are good to go home! My doctor saw me on Wednesday and said that he would be back at noon on Thursday to check me out to release me to go home. When he walked out of the room, my nurse looked at us and said "we'll see!" She said she has never seen him up at the hospital at noon, and that it "could" happen, but to not count on it, and that she'd be surprised if we left before 6.
So on Thursday morning, we still started to get ready to leave. We cleaned up our things, got you dressed, Daddy took that load of things to the house, and the nurse just kind of chuckled and said she is interested to see if the doctor comes! So noon came and went, and since she said that, we knew not to expect my doctor, so we just hung out and watched TV and had everything ready to go. We just waited around that afternoon, had lunch, then finally at 6pm, my doctor came and saw me and released me. (so the nurse was right!!)
We loved all of the nurses during our stay. They were all so nice and helpful, and we really loved them all!
When it was time to go, we put you in your car seat for the first time! We didn't even have the car seat base installed in our car until the day before. Daddy's friend who is a paramedic came up to the hospital and helped Daddy install it. (Just one of those things that we waited until the last minute to do!)
When we first put you in your seat in the hospital room, you cried and hated it. I couldn't listen to you being sad, so I took you out and comforted you for a bit, then tried again, and you were fine! No crying!
A nurse wheeled me out in a wheel chair, and Daddy carried you in your car seat. Then we waited inside while Daddy pulled up the car.
When we pulled up, there was an "It's a Boy" sign and a balloon by our front door. I was so excited to see that!! (I was secretly hoping that someone would do that for us!) We were talking about who could have done that, but I didn't realize that since Daddy had already been home to take a load of things there, that he had already seen it and knew it was my parents since they were in our house the night before, and there was a banner waiting for us inside the living room that Daddy had already seen earlier in the day. (Meme and Grampa were at our house the night before because they were fixing your bassinet that you sleep in at home, and also fixing your rocking chair in your bedroom.)
Our neighbor, Danny happened to be outside when we pulled up! So he came over to see you and we asked him to take a couple pictures for us.
I video taped us walking in the front door, but then, as perfect timing, my camera card was full, so the tape gets cut off, but at least it lasted me the whole week with you in the hospital! :)
*In the video at the end, I discovered the banner in our living room, and then Daddy later told me that it was Meme and Grampa who hung that up for you! LOVED it!!! :)
That night, our good friends, Josh and Lori Gilbreath, (and their son, Grant), brought us Chicken Express for dinner! We talked with them for a bit, then they left and we ate dinner. Then that night, the real life with you began as we had you all to ourselves, at home!!!
WE LOVE YOU, ISAAC!
maybe its my pregnancy hormones.. or maybe its just that sweet... but you had me tearing up with that video where yall announced his name! oh my goodness!!!!
ReplyDeleteso happy for yall! :)